lessons from “mirror bish”.

If you know me then you know that Martin, Moesha & Living Single have been my favorite television shows since I was a little girl. However, in my adult years that has changed tremendously, my new favorite show of all time is Insecure. 

I AM COMPLETELY OBSESSED! I am emotionally invested in every season, every episode, and every character in Insecure. This is the first show that I can see myself; MY TRUE AUTHENTIC SELF!  It magnifies everything I am feeling, want to feel, struggling to feel during this time of my life. The show couldn’t be more relatable! 

The characters in Insecure are trying to figure out life after college and what their place is in the “real world”. Every episode they are trying to understand how to make their dreams a reality or even what their dreams are…. and for me that has been the scariest part of being a part of the “real world”. I no longer can say what I want to be when I “get older” because I am older. I can no longer blame not having it together because I’m still a kid that’s learning. No, I should be at a point in my life where I know what I want, and I should have it right? NO THAT IS NOT RIGHT AT ALL! 

Insecure came at a time in my life where I was struggling to be my true self and just be free. I was stuck in a constant state of trying to be “perfect”. I was ashamed to say I didn’t have everything figured out and I needed help. But after I watched the first season of Insecure, I knew that I wasn’t the only one that felt “insecure” about where I was in life and the decisions I was making or made in my past. It was like I was finally being seen. Up until Insecure there wasn’t a show that I saw myself in. Insecure didn’t have only one character I could identify with; it had an entire cast of black women and men that I saw myself in. The insecurities, issues, and mishaps they were all going through, were the same ones me and my friends struggled with as well. The way Issa Rae showed US was beautiful, her story telling ability is phenomenal. I wasn’t looking at a show explaining what it’s like being “black” or a woman. I was watching a show that was just about us just BEING OUR DOPE BLACK SELVES! 

Insecure was about us just working through our lives and trying to find our happy endings. We didn’t have to worry about the constant struggle of what it feels like being a black woman or man in society. WE COULD JUST BE. And seeing that on tv felt good af! Issa Rae’s ability to make us feel seen, heard, and accepted just for being ourselves is a game changer for our culture. 

The storylines, the wardrobe, and the hair are just the icing on the cake for how amazing she did with being honest and raw. My favorite part of her writing is her ability to touch on taboo subjects like mental health in the black community; it was gentle and graceful. A few of the characters in Insecure struggled with their mental health and they were all handled with love in their portrayal of what each situation looks like. For example, I use to hate Lawrence in season one. I felt that he was a horrible boyfriend and an all-around jackass. However, after going through my own season of depression feeling like I was a failure it made me respect and appreciate Lawrence and his ability to come out of that. 

The character I identify with the most is Molly. Molly’s ability to be successful and work her ass off is so admirable and reminds me of myself. However, so does her struggle with finding love and being honest with herself. Molly couldn’t be her true self because she was so concerned with being “perfect” and I was in the same situation. Like Molly, it took me going to therapy and being honest with myself for me to start experiencing real happiness. At the end of the series when Molly got married I wanted to shed a tear because I was waiting for her to get her happy ending because she had finally let go and lived! And that is something that I know will happen for me one day.  

But the most beautiful part of Insecure for me was the final message at the end… BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. 

Where did I get that message from? Well, there were two separate times that Issa Rae made the message noticeable. 

The first time, in episode 10 of the final season she says, “And then I realized it was all in my head. No one was doubting me except for me.” She realized that she had the power to change her outlook on herself and her life all along. Every answer that she needed she already had it. And that resonates with me so much. A lot of times I seek guidance for something that I already know the answer too, I lack the confidence in myself to see the choice through. I also lack confidence in my purpose and having faith in myself. I know that I have some amazing skills and talents but sometimes I do not trust the vision or my faith to push me towards my purpose. I get so caught up in things not working out that I sometimes get too anxious and forget to even start. 

The second time Issa Rae displayed the message of believing in yourself is during the last mirror scene we only saw Issa’s reflection of herself. Previously during Issa’s moments in the mirror, we would see “mirror bish” and she would have something to say about Issa’s current situation that she was insecure about. However, during the last scene there wasn’t anything Issa was struggling with at the time so there was no “mirror bish”. She had decided to just make the decisions that made her happy and she went with them and that was how she showed that she believed in herself.  And that is when I realized that I was doing the exact same thing and I decided I wouldn’t do it any longer. So in 2022, I am betting on myself every single time, not matter what it is, because everything I need to succeed and be happy is inside of me.

the dope picture above is the artwork of the artist Alicia Robinson (@aliciarobinsonart)

check out her website aliciarob.com

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